Anxiety

How freakin’ crazy is this?  The closer it gets to moving, the more I think I need to take additional doses of Zoloft.

First, my dear friends father passed away the other night.  He was 88 years old and on Hospice.  None the less, it’s heartbreaking to lose a parent.  She lives about 2 1/2 hours away, and I would so like to attend the viewing, but not sure if I’ll be able to.  Since we’re leaving in less than two weeks to move to CO, I really can’t drive my vehicle there.  It’s got to rest for it’s cross-country trip.  So, I was thinking about renting a car, then last night I realized something.  ALL of my good clothes are packed and buried in God only knows which box.  I had only left out about 10 shirts, shorts and jeans until the move.

Then last night, my older son comes into my room.  He says his girlfriend wants to talk to me on the phone.  She says that she just found out that her mother is graduating from college two days after we are to start our journey to CO.  And her mother is making her feel bad that she’ll be gone.  “Can we postpone our trip?”

I’m already dearly missing my husband (it’s been about a month), I really wanted to leave on 6/1/12, but our youngest son wants to stay in school until the last day, so I decided to stay here another few days as it was.  On top of that, my mom had asked if I could put off our move until the weekend so that she could see us off – during the week she’s been helping out my sister-in-law with my newborn triplet nieces.  Telling my mom ‘no”, I really don’t feel right by telling my sons girlfriend “yes”.

My husband and I were trying to brainstorm last night – thinking of my options:  1)  I drive cross-country myself with the dogs – too bad I can only drive about two hours at a time before I get sleepy; 2)  I leave on the planned day with our younger son and our older son and his girlfriend leave two days later;  3)  I lie to my mom and say I changed my mind and will stay until the weekend just for her.

Now, as I sit here thinking of all this, today is a day I would have done payroll at my “day job”.  It’s the first one since I quit.  My heart is literally pounding in my chest because I feel BAD that I’m not there to do my job.  HOW CRAZY IS THAT??!!  I actually feel an anxiety attack coming on from all this.  And now the tears come…

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3 thoughts on “Anxiety

    • Thank you and OMG! I have to apologize to my readers!!!! I haven’t been on here since DECEMBER! All of these are pre-scheduled! Finally got my portrait business back up and running and have been super busy! Haven’t even blogged them! I’m also dealing with an issue that my free media storage is full and I’m unable to post anything else so I need to free up space, or spend $25/mo. 😦 Hope you are doing fantastic and I promise to get back to my blog later this Summer! Best to you!!

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